• Home
  • About
  • Blog

ohnoesdani lifestyle | travel | fashion

Thoughts & Opinions

Personal: On Intentionally Living

November 24, 2019

I’ve been a bit quiet for a few months now and while it’s not exactly necessary, I wanted to address “the elephant in the room” – mainly as a reminder, but also as a manifesto and a bit of insight into what direction I’m taking. Full disclosure – The blog post ahead deals with very heavy topics such as depression and abuse. To skip, please go to A New Direction.

Where it went Downhill

This whole mess kind of started back in May actually. I was on a roll with the concert photography gigs I was getting and had just gotten the green light to photograph L.A Gun’s Phoenix, AZ show. And then, it happened. I received a text from my dad during work. He told me that my uncle died. It’s bad enough when family dies, but this uncle was different. It was because of him that I learned that photography is actually in my genes: my great grandfather photographed what he could during the Mexican Revolution, my grandfather focused on photography to document his life as a French National immigrant living in Mexico, my dad as a nightlife and club photographer, and my uncle who focused more on family and travel. Mexico is a pretty classist place– social status matters a lot, and my uncle was one of the very few people in our extended family that always welcomed us with open arms, never judged us, and always thought highly of us. The news came as a swift kick to my stomach, and I quickly started spiraling. I stopped all concert photography, I avoided most of everyone in my life and my mind was constantly filled with regrets: I never got to spend more time with him and his wife. I turned down the offer to live with them in Mexico instead of moving back to the States. I ducked a lot of his messages and calls because I didn’t want to feel like the messenger between him and my dad. I didn’t take advantage of having people that actually cared about me close to me. I was left broken.

And then, I Spiraled: Work

Despite trying to keep it together, the news eventually affected my work at the time with the only option to quit due to my mental health. Things had changed heavily, and the moment I started messing up, it was like there was nothing I could do to make things okay again. The more I tried, the more I kept messing up. I was a real mess, and finally made the decision to leave the job I was at, which ended in my taking a three-month break to heal and figure out my next steps. Unfortunately, not having financial stability messed with my sleeping and soon enough, I was lucky if I could manage to fall asleep by 5am for as long as 3 hours a night.

Good Things come with a Price

Once I felt okay enough, I found the closest thing to a realistic version of a dream job that I could: working remotely and getting paid exactly what my services are worth. I almost didn’t get the job though. Part of the recruitment for my new job included retrieving paperwork from past employers: the real nightmare was opening myself to communication with my previous boss (before the one I had recently left). To outline a few of the things I had endured with this person: sexual harassment, bullying, intimidation, emotional and verbal abuse, substance abuse coercion, and more. It was the most heart-wrenching and terrifying feeling to know that my getting my current job depended on him releasing a few forms to me that he had not sent to my new address or email account. Once I got my items through mentioning certain legalities, I stopped my communication with him – in fact, I refuse to check the email account he has of me anymore.

Lost, but Somehow Hopeful

I’ve slowly managed to pick up the pieces when it comes to work and financial stability. I’m in a good place with work where I’m appreciated and constantly praised (which is my favorite thing in the universe considering all the abuse I went through in the past). Unfortunately, but maybe somewhat fortunate as well, I picked up on the whole fight or flight dilemma where most of my responses are literal flight. I’ve had the itch to travel now more than ever to escape what I feel and what I think. I’m too much of a pacifist to fight; I personally detest confrontation, so running is kind of an okay thing for me and helps me deal with things in my own way. Though I’m fully aware that there are people out there that have it worse than me, I’m still pained and I think it’s valid to express it. My idea of a relationship is completely skewed, I believe words much more easily, I second-guess absolutely everything I do to the point that I’m exhausted from fighting my own thoughts on a constant basis. I’m currently no stranger to blood-curdling screams inside of my car. Despite all of this, I’m staying hopeful.

A New Direction

Currently, I don’t think I have the strength to get back into concert photography as much as I’d like, so I don’t think I’ll be pursuing any more gigs until Spring of next year. In the meantime, I want to take advantage of my interest in traveling and content creation especially now that I have the ability of working remotely. I’ll be testing out this new direction with my last impromptu travel of the year in Las Vegas next month, so please keep an eye out. I’ll also be modifying my Instagram account and content to better suit travel blogging and content creation. My hope is that next year I’ll be traveling a lot more frequently with my first big international travel towards mid 2020. I want to be able to live more intentionally and with better control of my actions and decisions while keeping my interest in photography alive, which is a bit in honor of my late uncle. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to share the pictures he loved so much from my great grandfather on the Mexican Revolution soon.

0
0 Leave a Comment
Previous Resource: How to budget for everything you love!
Next How to Book a Flight Under $50 USD

Related Posts

On Becoming a Concert Photographer

Part 1 of 2: An Open Letter to Those I’m Grieving

Part 2 of 2: A (Long Overdue) Open Letter to Myself

Reader Interactions

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About

Danyy here! Most times you can find me at the photo pit, other times you can find me babbling on about all things Gyaru.

Generational shit. . I’ve been obsessed with the Generational shit.
.
I’ve been obsessed with the 80’s and 90’s for as long as I can remember. Anyway, found a pretty cool retro MTV shirt and decided to try to do some vivid makeup.
The pandemic feels like… ↑↑↑ Can we talk f The pandemic feels like… ↑↑↑
Can we talk for a minute about my obsession with pop culture and (vintage) horror? 😩💕

I used to love horror movies as a child, literally all of the classics of the 80’s and 90’s! I probably saw the Exorcist movies more than I knew how to count before I was 6 years old, lol. I’m not as huge of a fan as I used to be, especially for the newer Hollywood films, but you can never beat a classic.

My most “recent” memory is going to my favorite bar @yuccataproom for Halloween and drinking while watching a horror movie on the big TV. With Inktober as well, @creeptoberclub is hosted by the talented @tragicgirls.co and @classycreeps (and the way I discovered my obsession for this art style).

I’d actually had made it my mission back in October when I was following the Creeptober Club that I would purchase their artwork the moment I felt that I was financially stable enough to do so, and with the project of revamping my room completely and giving it life plus the pandemic and the pinch that many small businesses are in, I couldn’t think of a better way to support two of my favorite artists than by re-doing my room with their artwork. 🥰

PS: Going back to the topic of classics, I highly recommend any of the old black and white horror movies! And if you’re not big on horror, especially with what Hollywood puts out nowadays, I greatly recommend the horror movies that Abbott and Costello starred in. My favorite one is Abbott & Costello Meet the Mummy!
#ohnoesdani #bedroomrehaul #quarantinemakeovers #wallart #supportsmallbusinesses #talentedartists #vintagehorror #creepygirlsclub #popculture #hollywoodclassichorror #movieclassics #countdowntohalloween
Did I mention I’m in love with my bedroom’s ne Did I mention I’m in love with my bedroom’s new look? 🥰 Here’s a look into what the bed area looks like now.

Details ↓↓↓
☆ I added stripes to my wall, because for some reason I’ve been really into gothic decor. I don’t even know if you can fully call it that due to what my theme looks like now but I was very inspired by #beetlejuice when I did these walls. I currently have 2 accent walls and they were super easy to do.

☆ I’ve got way too many clothes and had never had a chance to really wear my @bear gear (with exception of my hoodie. I swear I could live in it and be happy), so I decided to buy frames from @ikeausa to display the two shirts I bought during the DEAD TO THE WORLD tour.

☆ Speaking of IKEA, I wanted a fresh new look for my bed so I got this super cute, pink duo-tone duvet cover and these very cool throw pillows to line the top of my bed. They really complete the look I was going for!

☆ Since I’ve been going stir-crazy without being able to travel and was supposed to make my way to NYC for my birthday back in March, most of my free time has been spent looking at my old travel pictures. My favorite NYC moment was when I went to the Blondie mural that’s near what used to be CBGB&OMFUG. By the way, the mural here used to be a Joey Ramone one (which is what I was hoping I’d find) until I found out that it got replaced with Blondie. Although I love The Ramones, I’m pretty in love with this mural’s design.

☆ Keeping up with my vintage horror obsession, I purchased a few art pieces from @classycreeps and @tragicgirls.co! I absolutely love their designs and style, and luckily the colors of the prints go well with the theme I was going for (which was after I bought these 😅). I’ll take a better picture of the entire area since there are 7 prints in total.

☆ Last but not least, I purchased these buttons from @omocat quite a few years ago. I hadn’t thought of putting good use to them until now. ✨
#ohnoesdani #bedroomgoals #newlook #neonpinkdecor #highcontrastmode #roomaesthetics #bigboldbeautiful #artthatilove #travelstories #concertmerch #blondie #punkrockhistory #apictureisworthathousandwords
I’m back! It’s been a good minute, hasn’t it I’m back! It’s been a good minute, hasn’t it? Between the pandemic, my business, and a few other things, I haven’t had the opportunity to be as active as I’d like to be on here. So what’s changed? ↓↓↓

☆ I’m on a pretty nifty content calendar system specifically for Gyaru and my own interests; This was created and provided by my business @SavageSirens. It’ll be the first time I’m fully merging my own personal interests outside of the Gyaru fashion and subculture.

☆ #ThePandemicMadeMeDoIt: I revamped my room and it’s now got a fresh, new, ⚡️ELECTRIC⚡️look to it. I can’t wait to talk more about this, but in the meantime, here’s a closeup of my framed @bear t-shirt from the DEAD TO THE WORLD tour. 😍

☆ As of the end of May, I started going on this huge spree of supporting small businesses, especially POC-owned. I’ve posted a few stories of items I’ve purchased already but I can officially make posts about them properly as they deserve.
#ohnoesdani #roomdecor #inmyroom #bedroomdecor #walldecorations #DIYgoals #mysanctuary #bandmerch #savagesirens #upcloseandpersonal #blackbear
Did I mention I miss O’ahu a lot? I finally made Did I mention I miss O’ahu a lot? I finally made a blog post about it!
.
Check it out for recommendations, more pictures, and if that’s not enough, head on over to my Instagram stories for a full spam of absolutely everything from that trip! 🌺 🏝 ✨ .
Have you been to O’ahu before? What did you think about it?
.
#ohnoesdani #girlswhotravel #waikikibeach #beachvibes #islandlife #lifeinoahu #dreamdestinations #beachgetaway #imisstraveling #solotraveler #oceanview #gameoftones #travelholic #seetheworld #theisland
Waikiki sunsets are amazing. ✨ . Hawai’i has b Waikiki sunsets are amazing. ✨ .
Hawai’i has been a dream destination for me that was always slightly out of reach. This year before the travel restrictions, I was able to go for a full week while attending a design conference.
.
I’m hopeful that I’ll go back to visit soon! Though I spent most of my time within Waikiki, there’s so much that’s still left to explore. 🌺 🏝 🌊
.
#ohnoesdani #girlswhotravel #waikikibeach #beachvibes #islandlife #lifeinoahu #dreamdestinations #beachgetaway #imisstraveling #solotraveler #oceanview #gameoftones #travelholic #seetheworld #theisland
One thing that really frustrates me is that I don’t have a makeup routine. I just kind of… go with whatever at the time and never can I actually recreate the same look I had a few days ago.
.
Since I work from home, I don’t really have chances to go out and dress up like  I used to anyway, so I’ve been living it up in zero makeup and pj’s all day every day.
.
Now that the セレブーGAL guide is out, I’ve got half a mind to order a new tracksuit too (because yes, I own a Juicy Couture tracksuit from wayyy back in the day).
.
Anyway, here’s my face from a couple of days ago. 🌺 ✨ .
#ohnoesdani #gyaru #gaijingyaru #ギャル #gaijin #セレブー  #latingyaru #mexicangyaru #soylatina #chicanoculture #latinxculture #ギャル #オラオラ系 #alamexicana #gyarumexico #jfashion #japanesefashion #ブランド #gyarulatinoamerica #blog #ブログ #ギャルブロガー #gyarulatina #motd #fotd
Blog post UP! ↑↑ I may have gone a teeny tiny Blog post UP! ↑↑ I may have gone a teeny tiny bit overboard on this guide but the Serebu Gyaru guide is finally up and running!
.
I wrote about this on one of my previous posts and I really wanted to get this guide going with the different ways to carry Serebu GAL style alongside a few tips. ✨
.
I’m trying to keep a similar format to the original guide which is the Old School Gyaru one, so you can expect more guides in this same style too!
.
Anyway whether you love 90’s-00’s fashion or the more modern and sometimes elegant (life)styles, you’ll want to give this a read!
.
Also per request, I’m already planning out the next guide so stay excited!
.
#ohnoesdani #gyaru #gaijingyaru #CelebrityGal #ギャル #gaijin #セレブー #セレブーGAL #kyabajou #cabaret #hostess #Y2K #emiriawiz #ギャル #オラオラ系 #elizaikeda #voguegirljapan #90sceleb #jfashion #japanesefashion #ブランド #highfashion #blog #ブログ #ギャルブロガー #90sfashion #00sfashion #fashionbrand
Blog post UP! ↑↑ New blog post, kind of! A lot Blog post UP! ↑↑ New blog post, kind of! A lot of new followers despite my inactivity so hi there! I’m Danyy.
.
I’ve been in the gaijin gyaru community since around 2007 or so, but I’ve never been quite the participant. My favorite style technically is kurogyaru and favorite gal brand is D.I.Aspec (RIP).
.
For quite a while, I’ve been into oldschool gyaru style (late 90’s early to mid 2000s). My favorite western brands tend to be surf ones.
.
I’m a lover of knowledge, especially when it comes to gyaru subculture and fashion, and while I’m super inconsistent in posting, I really hope the information from my posts makes it worthwhile!
.
Please tell me about yourself! ↓↓
.
#ohnoesdani #gyaru #gaijingyaru #kuronba #ギャル #gaijin #kurogyaru #latingyaru #gyarulatina #96gal #黒ギャル #外人 #外人ギャル #ギャル #オラオラ系  #メイク #makeup #jfashion #japanesefashion #getwildbesexy #oldschoolgyaru #aboutme #復活 #エッグ #selfie #blogger #blog #azfashion #fotd #ブログ #ギャルブロガー
Copyright © 2021 ohnoesdani
  • Home
  • About
  • Blog
Theme by SheShoppes